Labor pains. Serious labor pains.
A friend of mine who is very involved with adoptions keeps telling me that the adoption process has labor pains too. This week I realized she’s right. We’ve been all over the emotional board this week and have had some moments of extreme excitement and hope and moments when those hopes were dashed and I just felt…numb.
On Sunday, I held my friend’s baby at church for almost two hours. It was amazing. I was secretly hoping my friend didn’t think I was being a creeper as I held her baby close and soothed him in the hall when he cried. But I needed that. I’m convinced holding that baby boy helped me far more than it helped his mama. It was like therapy–and then he leaked all over my Sunday dress. I am pretty sure he can hold about a gallon and a half in his baby bladder.
But ask me if the “moment” I was having was ruined by that.
It wasn’t. Sure, I got a good laugh out of it and giggled with the other ladies at church. But it was so worth the couple hours I got to enjoy his newness and innocence and imagine what it will be like when it is my turn to embrace the title of “mother.” Besides, I better get used to it–right?
Am I crazy? Maybe. But aren’t all mothers? Why do so many women intentionally put themselves through 9 months of discomfort and in some cases physical pain to then take care of an infant who is totally reliant and takes away their freedom to be spontaneous? Why do so many women endure labor pains–physical or emotional–to raise a child who will likely talk back, misbehave and make his mother wish she could get away with throwing a tantrum? Why do many women sacrifice their passions to have a child who will become a teenager, who will likely make mistakes and rash decisions driven by hormones and who has the potential to break her mother’s heart?
Why again, do I want to be a mother so badly?
The simple answer is because IT WILL BE WORTH IT. All these labor pains are worth helping a child grow into their own skin and become someone. And what is life without having people to love?
So yes, I look forward to motherhood, every part. The little feet dragging mud across the floor, the peanut butter that finds its way into every corner of my car, the dirty hands wiped on a new, clean shirt…the tears that land on my chest after the first little hardships and heartbreaks, the tiny knees that kneel with mine at the side of my bed, the lips that utter their first words of prayer.
To an experienced mother, this post might sound naive. I know that. I know motherhood isn’t easy. But I hope I can always cherish the little moments that remind me why I went through my emotional labor pains in the first place. As my friend told me the other day; the adoption steps that get our hopes up and then don’t go through are not failures, they are steps that take us closer to finding our missing piece.
Photo Credit: Jeff Sampson Photography